CONVERSATIONS AFTER DEATH PT 2

She was hurt. This lady who I have known for just about an hour now, in this place that she describes as neither heaven or hell, was deeply in pain. The system hurt her. The resentment she had towards some people, she took it out on the city. But how could I blame her.

 As humans we tend to forget or forgive others actions but the places seem to be etched in our memories.

My hands had turned blue as we sat there in silence after her slight breakdown. 

"What is this?", I asked her in shock as I took a look at my veins which were sparkling as though there was glitter running through them.

"It's just a reaction to the water I gave you, it will fade away with time. It is basically taking out the toxicants in your body, both physically and psychologically to let you survive and change here"

"Wow", is all I could mutter. "So basically we all were polluted back when we were alive?"

"No not really, no one is either completely toxic or an absolute angel. What we do is try. Try to be better at dealing with situations. But when you give up on everything and just blame others for your own inadequacy, that's when you build up a layer of toxicants into you"

I pondered over that thought for a while, revisiting major arguments I had in my life.

"But aren't you doing the same?" I asked her. "You basically blamed the whole city for some bad experiences you had with a few people in it? How are you free from the toxication then, how did this water help?"

"Are you hungry?" She dodged my question smiling like it was nothing, although she visibly flinched as my question ended.

"Well, yeah", I said. My hunger spoke on my behalf.

I followed her as we stepped on a bridge over a river with it's colour similar to that of the most bewitching blue eyes. Beauty was at it's peak here and I couldn't fathom how all this could have ever come into being.

As we reached it's end we saw a young woman, probably 5 years elder to me sitting by the bench, deep in thought with what seemed like a plate of food in her hand. 

We went up to her who gave us some coupons and we neared a buffet arrangement which I sensed because of some mouth-watering aroma lingering as though the trees at the entrance had captured it and were spreading it out, luring you more towards the food.

"Who was she? She seemed lost", I asked her, "Also do you mind me asking your name, um, ma'am?"

She smiled and said,"Oh she just misses her fiancé. Has been her for probably 7 months now. She believes her soulmate is in just as much pain as her. 'My gut tightens and it's like my heart has had needles stuck to them everytime I think about him' is what she said referring to her pain once. We let her be. Time will heal her". 

She continued, "And as much as I would love to reveal my name I can't. That's the rule here. No names can be disclosed because that was the name you had once. You are not the same being once you are here".

"Oh that's alright"

"Did you have a boyfriend?"

She caught me off guard but I answered her nevertheless

"No. I mean yes I did but we broke up like 2 months ago"

"Oh, why?"

"He was just not what I assumed he was. He was extremely insecure about certain things in his life and he couldn't handle me not being like him. I couldn't feed his ego any more so we broke up"

"Young boys can be dumb like that"

I laughed. "I guess so"

"You young kids must have had good sex then, I am assuming you aren't a virgin?"

My baffled eyes caught her attention and she quickly came in to defend herself.

"I am sorry it's just that, I have a daughter your age. But I guess now it's more awkward to ask you that", she chuckled. "I always wanted to be the cool mother you know. The one she shared stuff with. But I lost her trust eventually. I hope my husband is atleast trying to be a good parent". She rubbed her hands as a breeze blew past us.

"Asking your daughter about sex can be really weird though", I couldn't help but laugh. Women exchanged greetings as we passed them and I nodded, smiling anxiously.

"I never had a conversation with my husband about my, how do I put this, pleasures?" She checked the pockets of her pale chiffon dress for something. "When I see kids your age going hand in hand like there's nothing else to the world, makes me a tad bit jealous"

"I am sure a direct conversation with your husband would have helped"

"I wish it were that easy", she greeted a woman reading a book at a distance as we kept walking. 

"My husband loves reading. I would rather just watch movies. You see, things didn't quite match up. He was too much into the fictional world and I was too busy questioning reality to have any romantic outings, forget talking about sex"

"Everyone is different in their own way, you'll never find someone who has the exact same interests as you do, but that shouldn't stop you from going after what you really want to do or talk about"

"I wanted to explore. She looked at me for a brief while before continuing. So many things, he was all too naive for it, I know it. You know the funniest part. I told my sister once about not being satisfied enough by him, this was after my daughter was born". 

Her excited eyes reached my shocked ones. She is quite a woman, I thought. I am sure men would love to be with her, or women even. Suddenly I wanted to know if she would ever consider being with women.

"She was troubled initially to talk about it but then she told me to imagine someone else while doing it. Can you imagine? Oh sweet lord, made me feel like I was committing a sin" she said.

"Did you do that?" My curiosity got the best of me. Mentally I shivered in shame realizing how desperately I wanted to know about the sex life of a woman double my age.

"I couldn't", she said. "I have not been with a man before my husband so what was I supposed to do. Sure celebrities I could think of but nothing worked. Until I met someone".

"You met someone?"

"It's a long story". She untied and tied her hair again almost too calmly. "You were hungry weren't you. Let's eat first". She smiled. 

That pretty dazzling smile once again had me thinking and eagerly asking myself, who was this someone who was trapped in this beautiful woman's memories.

( picture source : Pinterest )