Being a woman in the matrilineal Nair community of Kerala

(Laxmikutty is a fictional character I wrote with the purpose of taking you through the matrilineal society of the then Nair community in Kerala. Her story, therefore, is fictional but the customs and cultures mentioned here did prevail in the Nair community. )

Laxmikutty is from Nair caste. Naming the caste is extremely significant here because she is from the late 19th century Kerala which predominantly was caste driven. Laxmi as her Amma would call her is the mother of two beautiful children who were the result of her "sambandham" with a Brahmin man who was off to serve in the military.

Sambandham does not go by the traditional marriage customs, instead, it was the visit of the man primarily for sexual purposes and the offspring as a result of it would be the responsibility of the woman.

Laxmi is part of a matrilineal society which meant that a person's descent is traced through their maternal and not their paternal ancestors unlike most cultural traditions across the world. The property in a matrilineal society in the community was inherited by the sisters and their children and she is the one in charge of the finances of the family. The control however was still in the hands of the Karnavar who was the senior male member(uncle) of the family.

In Laxmi's case the travaad(mansion) which she grew up in was her everything. It was her own. The walls of the tarvaad know the deepest of her secrets, some not known to her own husband. She did not have to leave her tarvaad for a man, instead the man would become a part of Laxmi's family.

Laxmi is unaware of the Kerala we know of today which is known for its high literacy and a specifically higher rate of female literacy and low female infanticide. According to the 2011 census Kerala has the highest sex ratio with the female population outnumbering male and it stands the same as of 2020 statistics as well.

But Rome wasn't built in a day and if today Laxmi could be here she would most definitely say that this Kerala is indeed the product of 19th and early 20th-century customs and traditions that our generation today is not aware of. But she would be surprised by the changes in marriage in modern communities.

Laxmi married another young Brahmin while her husband was away. Polyandry was celebrated in the Nair community during those times and while Laxmi's friends had been with many men to satisfy their sexual urges while their husbands were off to serve in the military and also without any social restrictions, Laxmi only had ever been with three men. Two of them were off to serve in the military to establish their excellence.

"Death by any other means other than this sword is a shame for a Nair man Laxmi", her men would say. She divorced her first husband right after she had children with her second. Social stigma on divorces was not a part of the community at that time so never did Laxmi ponder over these issues.

"It's the law of nature", she would say. Sexual relations weren't a taboo. Such was the course of nature she believed in.

Then colonization took place. Christian missionaries frowned upon the lifestyle of Laxmi's community. The revolting marriage system was bizarre to them considering how patriarchy and monogamy were followed by most if not the whole of India.

Laxmi's third husband went to study at an English college at that time. Laxmi herself was considered to be extremely brilliant in languages with her Sanskrit on par with most scholars of the time. So Laxmi only encouraged education for her husband and even her children. "Learning helps you know the world not just around you but also within you", she would often say.

"They think we are running backward as a society. Asked us to think about how we could live a life knowing we have bastards for children and our wives are mistresses to someone we know. I had no answers", Laxmi's third husband told her.

"Well, they live by their principles we live by our own, what is so wrong about that", she would argue.

Soon enough time changed and so did the course of nature. Patriarchy was brought into the system first by economic protection from men given to women and children. This was in return for women giving up on multiple partners.

Laxmi saw it all. Saw how men became breadwinners and women and children were dependent on them. Tarvaad was still their own. But financial dependence on a man was still not something she desired for.

By 1923 matriliny was abolished. Laxmi divorced all her men by the time she was reading magazines that glorified 'womanly characteristics' of loyalty, dependence, caretaking, and someone who in all terms is living and breathing for the man of her dreams. Whitewashed was her culture by the British and she could never once forgive them.

(Painting by Raja Ravi Varma named 'There comes Papa' shows woman of the contemporary era waiting for the arrival of her beloved husband. A portrait of Mahaprabha Thampuratti(Queen) of Mavelikkara, Raja Ravi Varma’s daughter holding her daughter HH Sethu Lakshmi Bayi who became the queen of Travancore, India.)

Of course, the traditions she was rooting for had many issues. Tarvaad as controlled by the uncle could also be home to family troubles. Sometimes he would be biased towards his own children and they would receive better English education compared to others in the house. Disputes over greed and wanting ownership over Tarvaad would sometimes even lead to killing of the main male member of the family. The financial safety of the tarvaad made men less and less productive over the years.

The community progressive beyond years and unacceptable to most cultures could also be home to internal conflicts among families.

So as Laxmi would call it- 'the nature's course' was to encourage monogamy, abolish matriliny and legally cement patriarchy into the system.