We need to talk: My letter to the 21st century man

Dear MAN friend, *explaining to my mom how this is not for my boyfriend*:)

I absolutely love watching stand-up and this quarantine has only helped me delve more into it, especially female comedians, who are, well in our case, just comedians! Once you get into it though there is no going back. I relate so much I might as well start seeing myself in them. And secondly they are funny, and at times even much funnier than some men! Yeah that's right, I said it, come at me all you want!

Earlier this month I was watching Michelle Wolf (if you don't know her, don't claim to watch all stand-up) talk about how a guy told her that her comedy seemed "gross". To give you a picture, she did talk about penises and balls and which, in my opinion, is a hundred percent hilarious!

"Don't look at your crotch now, it is fine, relax, also go watch her stand-up"

It's funny how the same people can laugh all they want when a guy talks about tits, body-shaming and so much more and discuss it in full detail and it should, quote "not be offensive". But a woman talking about balls!! GROSS!

"I have seen you laughing at that comedy too, again relax, I don't bite"

I also happened to come across a post on my Instagram feed, pretty sure you have come across one of these too when anyone dares to even mouth the word feminism !

Now see it's not that I want to be offended or curse at someone, but then I remember how humans can be. It's tough. It's like some of us are waiting to be slapped and I am no Gandhi, if a slap can fix toxic masculinity and stupidity I better get out right now and fix as many as I possibly can. But, we are in a lockdown, so, yeah, that's not an option.

"You might get slapped after the lockdown, so beware. I'm kidding"

"Or am I :) "

Anyway tried to understand the mind set of the person who first made this post. He must really be thinking, man why do these women need all of that respect, what about us huh? Should my son not respect men? This post should be about EVERYONE!

"By the way I am imagining an angry uncle here, so should you, don't spoil it"

To understand why the original post talks about sons respecting women we will have to go back to the roots.

"Also I know you liked that post on Instagram, you can't hide son"

Remember patriarchy? Yeah, that cheap cloth that not just Indian but many other societies dragged for long, has a huge role to play in my explanation. The idea of women being dependent on men legally and even financially was more so driven by the society and later embedded into the minds of generations. This had come to the point where an absence of a male member in the family ultimately meant no financial stability, spoiled brats for kids and more gossip sessions for our beloved aunties.

Let's talk about you now, shall we? Your son will be a part of a society where sometimes woman are made to feel less powerful. Many a times places that she is the most comfortable in, have people that look down upon her, right from her workplace to her own house.

Gender-inequality still EXISTS and that is the harsh reality that seems to create a lump in your throats but it is high time you swallow it and work towards upliftment of women. In its true sense though.

Which is exactly why he needs to be told, and yes, very specifically needs to be told to respect women so that even as the system works otherwise, he is practicing what he has been taught.

And when you are working your way to be better at this, don't go around bragging about how cool you are because you spend just as much money into your daughter's education as much as your son's.

"I know you love to brag, shut up"

It is not something heroic, what you did needs to be done as a human. Women empowerment needs to be normalized !

And no we don't want to be the better gender, we don't want to fight, all we want is for us to be in this together. because ultimately you too are victims of patriarchy just as we are! We are not against each other, we are in this together, and that is the only time we are truly winning!

Also we do enjoy some stereotypical jokes okay, we women are not all that arrogant, we are fun, quirky, strong and we just want us to grow as a community, nothing more. We are not greedy folks; unless there's a pizza slice lying around in which case, I am having that slice, no arguments. ;)

Yours sincerely,

A woman of the 21st century